“Hi Jagadish ” She spoke in the phone.
“Happy Birthday Anandi”
“Thanks Jagadish. How is Ganga?”
“She is fine. How are you Anandi?”
“I am great. Glad that you called”.
“Actually there’s one more news Ganga is pregnant. We are going to be parents!! I’m feeling so overwhelmed”.
She suddenly felt as if cold water was poured on her. That long forgotten grief came back again.
“Congrats Jagadish I’m very happy for both of you”.
She somehow finished the call and looked ahead blankly.
“You are still in touch with Jagadish?” He asked.
“Yeah we are still friends. He will always be part of my life”.
“That’s ok. He is your old friend after all”.
He took her hand and kissed her knuckles and then her wrist he proceeded further till her shoulders and then kissed her neck.
He whispered in her ears “Please come back to me Anandi”.
All this while she was sitting like a statue not responding to his overtures. He turned her face towards him and brought his lips toward hers. She turned away “Please Shiv No”.
“Wats wrong Anandi?” He asked.
“Nothing I am tired “She started to leave.
“Wait Anandi. You were perfectly happy till Jagadish called. What did he say?”
“Nothing he just wished me n said that Ganga is expecting”.
“That’s good news so why r u upset?”
“I’m not upset shiv I’m happy for him. He deserves all happiness which could never give him”.
“Why are you blaming yourself anandi.He left you for Ganga?”
“No shiv don’t say a word against jagadish.He accepted me in spite of knowing everything about us. He is a very noble person”
He got up and started pacing restlessly.
“Ok I am sorry, I get it he is a paragon of virtue and I am the biggest jerk” There was a hint of jealousy in his tone.
“Is that why u are upset. Are you regretting your separation from him? Do you miss him now??Is that why you keep running away from me”
“Shut up Shiv you don’t know anything.” She said angrily.
“Then tell me Anandi till few minutes back you were all over me, kissing me and then suddenly you turn frigid. I thought you had forgiven me but seems like you have not entirely forgiven me. Tell me what should I do? I am trying my best to rectify things but unless I know what the prob how am I going to resolve it “.
“Shiv it might be easy for to you leave and come back on your whim. I can’t take it. Do you think I should be waiting to swoon back in your arms?”
“Weren’t you swooning in my arms few mins back? What happened after that call? “
Her long buried anger bubbled up.
“Enough Shiv! You want to know why I am upset? Because I lost my baby!!! I suffered a miscarriage and I was all alone”.
He looked stunned then puzzled “Baby?? Did you and Jagadish have a baby?”
“No Shiv Jagadish and I never consummated. We tried but I was too emotionally damaged to forget you. That was one of the reasons why we separated”.
His face turned to white mask as realization dawned on him “It was mine” he said.
It was not a question but a statement.
She looked away.
He looked horrified “When?? Why didn’t you tell me?? You never told me anything about it”.
“By the time I came to know you had already left” She gave him an accusing look.
“Why didn’t you contact me Anandi? I would have done something”.
“How?? How was I supposed to tell you? You were unreachable. Even your friends had no idea of your whereabouts”.
He collapsed on the sofa holding his head. After few mins of silence he said “Tell me about it. What happened? How did you have a miscarriage?”
“I was shattered after you left. I was not living I was just existing. I didn’t realize what was happening to me. One day I saw new about your engagement. I fainted and the next thing I remember is waking up in a hospital. The Doctor said that I had suffered a miscarriage. I was 8 weeks pregnant. I didn’t even know a part of you was growing in me. I lost it too. That day I lost you and our baby”.
She broke down and sobbed. He could feel his eyes welling up too.
He went and sat next to her. He wanted to hug her and comfort her but he was not sure if he still had the right to do that anymore.
“Anandi please don’t cry. I….I am a jerk Anandi…I never realized what an idiot I am”.
She wiped her tears but didn’t answer him.
He did some mental calculation “8 week… Our last night together?”
He got up and started walking restlessly again “God !! I wish you would have told me. Why didn’t Swati tell me this when I went to her ?”
“I had told her not to.What diff wld have made? In a way whatever happened it happened for good. An unexpected pregnancy might have created more trouble for you and instead of terminating it, wasn’t it better that it went away on its own ?”
“Would you have terminated it if you would have come to know earlier and u didn’t have the miscarriage?”
“Never Shiv whatever may have been the consequence I would have never killed our child”.
“Then how could you assume that I would have asked you to terminate it? Anandi I….I am not a monster. That’s unthinkable. I would have married you Anandi. I anyways planned to marry you”
She looked shocked and her eyes welled up again “I couldn’t do anything Shiv.I couldn’t save our baby. I should have careful but I didn’t know. I had no idea. 8 weeks and I had no idea”.
He couldn’t help and hugged her “I am sorry my sweetheart. I am very sorry you had to go through this because of me. Why didn’t you tell me on the first day itself”?
“What was the point Shiv. I thought you were married to Amisha and later on I didn’t want to hurt you”.
He released her and said “You were worried about hurting me?? I don’t deserve so much consideration. I understand everything now Anandi. Why you feel repulsed from me. Why you are unable to forgive me. I have been pressurizing you come back to me. How difficult it must have been for you. What I did is unforgivable. Don’t ever forgive me Anandi because I can’t. I will never forgive myself for this”.
He got up and went out. She sobbed finally she told him the truth and as expected he was hurt.
He wandered around absent mindedly. Raindrops bounced off him soaking him. He was unaffected. He sat down on a bench holding his head. This was worse than he had thought. What he did years ago was not a mistake it was a sin.
Anandi thought of going out to look for him. But decided it was better to give him some time for himself.